Changes

As I read a friend's blog I found myself echoing her sentiment. She recently changed her layout to more reflect her style. I felt that my page needed a little updating also. I found the colors, all though ones I love greatly, to be too dark and depressive. I have been looking within myself lately and believe that yes, according to popular belief, it is quite possible I am suffering from depression. Could anyone blame me if I were? Therefore I am taking steps to try to improve this. I thought that my blog layout was the appropriate start. I chose fresher, lighter colors to hopefully reflect my new outlook. Yes, my illness or whatever you wish to call it is real. But I can not let it rule my life. Sometimes I think that that is what happened with Aunt Rose. Yes, she had a lot of medical conditions but I think her mood worsened it. She was kind of a "Debbie Downer" for you SNL fans. I loved my aunt very much and I miss her greatly, but I don't want to become her and I fear that is where I am heading. I need to stay positive and not let the pain rule me. Easier said than done but what the hell. Nothing else is working. I am going to enjoy the rest of the summer and if I have surgery I have surgery. I am seeing my nuerologist from the sleep clinic on Thursday and am going to discuss options for improving my sleep. Even with said CPAP machine I am not sleeping. I am then going to call my PCP and see if I can't get in before my next appointment that is scheduled for next month. I think I need to discuss medication options. something needs to be changed. I am then going to throw myself into research getting ready for the start of the new school year. Even though I still do not have a complete class list I am going to forge ahead with preparations for implementing our new certification program. Glenna and I have a lot of great ideas. I need to contact the Red cross, the YMCA, the local craft store, and a local dance studio. The last of which I am most excited about. I want to see about signing them up for dance lessons. I think it would be very fun and good for their gross motor skills.
Life is too short. I learned that well when my aunt died in December. I am also moving ahead with my plans to memorialize my aunt, a tatoo. Someday I may tell my mom but for now she will freak out. Most of my friends know what I am planning. I just need to figure out where to get it and bite the proverbial bullet and do it.
This reminds me of something else I read on a blog today. I feel as if I am taking hold of my fears so that they do not control me anymore. So, on that note, I wish to congratulate my BFF's oldest son for conquering his fears and mastering the art of riding a bike. Andy said he was afraid of falling but I think it had more to do with failing. Andy is a bit of a perfectionist. He doesn't like to fail. I think when he saw that all 3 of his younger sisters could do it and he couldn't, that was enough of a motivator for him. He may not realize it but he learned something through this. We all fail at things. It's bound to happen. we can't be good at everything all of the time. It 's the getting back up after the fall that is important. If you let a little fall keep you from doing something what does that say for the rest of your life? Kudos Andy. You don't know how proud of you I am!!!
Finally, I would like all of you that should happen to read this to say a prayer tomorrow. The husband of said BFF is heading back to Kuwait to return to his unit after a two week leave. Let's hope his time goes fast and before we know it it will be Christmas and we will all be awaiting his return home for good. Good Luck Mark. Stay safe. We all love you!