in a funk

I find that I am in a funk today. I know there are things I need to do, like laundry and cleaning the apartment, but I can't seem to motivate myself. When my parents called to remind me of a few things to bring with me when I go up to their place for thanksgiving, my Mom suspected something but I played it off with not feeling to hot, which I don't. As usual, my sinuses are bothering me. But that is not all. I am trully blue. I know the reason and there isn't much I can do about it. I don't want to talk to my family because it will just upset them especially if they didn't remember what today is. I know my sister does and I don't want to upset her. It's just that time of year. Today would have been my Aunt Rose's 52nd birthday. Thanksgiving, her favorite holiday, is just a few days away. And to top it off we are coming up on the 1st anniversary of her death on December 10th. I have tried not to think about it and when I am busy I can keep the thoughts at bay. But today is different. I didn't have any plans so I have kept to my apartment. Left alone with my thoughts. My friends know that can be a dangerous thing. I just miss her so much. She was more than an aunt to my sister and I. She was our confidant. We went to her when we couldn't go to Mom. We told her things that we would never tell our parents. And we always knew she wouldn't say anything. It's hard to not pick up the phone and call her with some little tidbit of info.

Rivalries

It is probably the biggest rivalry in college football, Ohio State University and the University of Michigan. Today is the day that Buckeyes have been waiting for all season long. It doesn't matter how well either team is doing during the year. This is the one game that matters to them. It doesn't matter that Michigan is 3-8 and OSU 9-2. You have to be on your game and go in there like everything depends on it. You can not be too cocky. Already emotions are high on the field. If people thought it was going to be an easy win for OSU, they are mistaken. We have seen it too many times. Should prove to be an interesting game. On another note I would like to wish my parents a happy 39th wedding anniversary.

Here is the latest dilema we are dealing with in my classroom. I recently got a new student. I will call him "RJ" to protect him. He is 18 years old is is a nice young man. He is in a wheelchair due to crippling Cerebral Palsy. He needs assistance to transfer from his chair to the toilet. Two of us have to accompany him since we are all female. I feel bad for my assistants because they are left with all of the bathroom duties since I am not able to lift yet. Whatever task you give him he gives 110%. He is sweet and the other kids love him. He fits in so well. So what is the dilema you ask? He has lived most of his life with his dad and when he turned 18 he was given the choice of whom he wanted to live with. He chose Mom. My transition coordinator told me on Monday that his Mom had called her and told her she couldn't take care of him anymore. What mother would do that? My heart just goes out to him. In the three weeks he has been with us you definitely tell something is up. On Mondays when we ask what he did over the weekend his answer is usually nothing. Did you go anywhere with Mom? No. He got off the bus this morning and he just looked so sad. I honestly don't know what is going to happen to him. He loves being here. You can tell because his mood changes once he is in the room. It makes me want to cry.

random thoughts of the day

I just finished reading the most recent post on a friend's blog. In it she questions whether she will ever get her shit figured out and if not is she normal. My question is, what is normal? And who determines whether we are normal or not? If you ask me, I can definitely tell you I am not normal, nor do I want to be. I like going against the grain. Wouldn't life be dull if we were all normal? Because isn't being normal mean being like everyone else? And do I really want to have all of my shit figured out? For the most part, I can say that I am pretty happy with the path I have chosen for myself. Sure, I would like to have a family of my own but I have proven to myself that I can survive on my own. Living by myself scared me to death. But now, I can't imagine sharing it with anyone else. I have my own routine and it is nice and quiet. Well, except for the dogs and the off kilter washing machine upstairs. I look at my brother and my sister. Both have been married. My brother for 15 years and my sister 2 times with the longest one lasting 4 1/2 years. Are/were they happy? I really don't think so. My sister is heading in that direction now but my brother is and has not been for years. His wife holds things over his head. Everything that goes wrong is his fault and he has to somehow always come up with the solution to the latest problem. The recurring issue with them is money. I love my brother but I can not stand the woman he chose for his wife. I have tried. I always wanted an older sister. But she is not what I wanted. I wouldn't trade his two girls for anything. But for a woman that works in a bank and can balance her drawer every night, she sure has a hard time balancing her checkbook and getting bills paid. Now don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of money troubles but I soon recognized what I needed to do to correct the situation and what to do so that it didn't happen again. She has not learned that. My parents have helped them many times over the 15 years but as my dad put it, the well has run dry. And not once has that woman thanked my parents for their help. Top this off with the fact that my brothering is losing his job to cutbacks the 1st of December. If it weren't for the girls, I know he would have cut his losses by now. But, my brother is a stand up guy and will honor the vows he made. His health is not the greatest and my fear is that something is going to happen to him. I don't know how much more he can take. I think the best thing is for him to go through with bankruptcy and then file for divorce. He has put up with a lot of emotional abuse from her over the years and it needs to stop. Jeff has no self-worth anymore. Those of you that have known me for awhile know how my sister-in-law can be. You have witnessed the beast in action. I have always been close with my siblings but over the last few years, I haven't been as close to Jeff. I think the distance has something to do with it. But I don't call their house because it is hard to talk to him when she is there. He is a different person when Mary is there. I want my brother back.

Election Day

Like many Americans across the country, I too exercised my civic right to vote. I have never claimed a political affiliation. I am the type that looks at each candidate and chooses based on how they align with my beliefs and standards. I chose my candidate and should he not win tonight I will not rant and rave. I will just be glad it is finally over. I am tired of the political mudslinging on tv, the phone calls at all hours of the day, and the door to door campaiging asking me who I am voting for. That is for me to know and only me to know. I should not have to tell you why I am not voting one way or the other if I tell you I am undecided. Whomever wins today is going to have a tough road ahead of him. Personally, I would not want to be the one taking over in a situation like the one we find ourselves in. What happens when he is not able to do everything promised during his campaign? My opinion is that things are going to get worse for us before they get better. The way I see it, it is a no win situation. If the Dems get elected and things go bad you'll have the grand ole party screaming "Told you so. Wouldn't have happened if McCain had been in office." and vice versa. It doesn't matter who takes office. Republican or Democrat, we need to come together as a unified front. Instead of "I can do this and that" how about "We can do this and that." Because, as you know, there is no "I" in team. And isn't that what we are? A team? The United States of America?
So, as a teacher I felt it was my duty to assist in my students understanding of the Democratic Process. Therefore we have been learning about it and following the campaigning. Today they exercised their civic rights by voting in a Mock Election. I had a ballot, a ballot box, and a voting booth. We opened the polls and explained how long they had to go to the booth and vote. Once they had voted they were to go over to one of the poll workers, my assistant Dona, and get their sticker. Dona took duct tape and made little stickers that resembled the ones you get. Once everyone had voted, the polls closed and the votes were tallied. We even had a learning experience with that. You must remember that I teacher high school students with severe cognitive disabilities. There is never a dull moment to be had. I am at the white board tallying the votes when I discover two things. One: everyone had said they had voted and received a sticker but I was one ballot short. I made 8 ballots. I have seven students. I had 2 blank ballots that hadn't been used. The second: I had a "Hanging Chad". One student did not follow directions. Instead of filling in one of the boxes next to the candidate's picture, he/she had circled both names. It took a little detective work to figure out which one hadn't voted and once we did we made him. The "Hanging Chad" was easy. You work with a group of kids long enough and you recognize things about their work. The circles made around the names were very distinctive. As soon as I saw the ballot I knew who had done it. Her m.o. is to just put circles around everything when she is unclear of the directions instead of asking for clarification. Dona and I decided that her vote wouldn't count. Were it to have been a real election, that is what would have happened. That is what I truly call a teachable moment. Did it phase her? Not really.

A fall Sunday

Time changed last night. We fell back an hour. I like the extra hour of sleep but I absolutely hate what it means. It means that winter is on the way and with that nightfall arriving between 5-5:30 in the evening. I hate that. I am a sunshine girl. But, there really isn't much I can do about it. Life goes on.
Had a very enjoyable day today. Met my sister and nephew half way and we had lunch and went shopping. Hunter is growing up so fast. School is going well. He got his first grade card on friday and it was an improvement from the mid-term. This time he only had one N. Of course it was for self-control. But he is learning how to behave and both the teacher and principal feel that he does not need meds at this time to control that issue. What a relief. He can say the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary, and the Pledge of Allegiance. He has difficulty with understanding the "th" blend. He'll get it.
My friends are having their annual Christmas Cookie Exchange party the last weekend of the month. I just RSVPed that I would be there. Since I have recently had my other hand operated on I am going to make something easy that Hunter can help me with. I am going to make rice crispy treats and press them into molds and make cookie suckers. One of the guests is on a casein-glueten free diet so I did some research and found that rice is ok. The only thing I need to do differently is get some no-milk margarine. According to my research Fleischman's makes some. All I need to do is remember to get it when the time comes. I will just make them all that way. I can't wait to see how they turn out. I might have to make a practice batch here at home and take them to school. I think that could be something Melanie helps me with one afternoon after school.