Going stir crazy

Let's see. It is now Thursday the 28th and I have only been to work one day this week. Monday night we received about 3 inches of snow and the district decided to close. My guess is they decided to do this because of a storm that was approaching. We then got ice ontop of the snow and then more snow. I braved the elements and cleaned my vehicle off around 12:15 today. I decided to tackle the ice head on. I used a hammer. Within half an hour I was able to get into the car and venture out to survey the roads. Needless to say if the back roads around here are anything like the main road, school will not be in session tomorrow either. The majority of the roads are still snow covered, slushy in places, and sheets of thick rutted ice in others. My apartment complex is awful. They plowed but it is still very icy.
Since Danielle has started in my class, we have been in school 6 days. It's frustrating because I understand the need for safety for the staff and students. But I am not going to make any progress with her if we keep missing school. I feel like we are starting to gain her trust. She is testing us no doubt about it. We caught her trying to hide a broken crayon on her person. Lord only knows what she would have down with it.
I am trying to keep myself busy. Luckily I had gone to the library and gotten some books. I have read 1 so far and am about a 1/3 through the second. I have taken more time to cook after discovering some good recipes on weight watchers website.
At least I work at Lakeview this weekend. They wanted me to come in today but I hadn't attempted to get my car out and after being out on the roads I am glad I turned it down. Lord only knows what the roads are going to be tonight. The temp isn't even above 25 and I think it's supposed to get colder. But I won't mind going in Sat. or Sunday. I love working the weekends. It's nice and quiet generally.

ARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I have about 5 minutes to blog before my little lady gets dropped off from school. I am so frustrated it is not funny. I get an email a few minutes ago from my supervisor stating that now the MRDD case worker wants to transition my new student to ARC Industries. She has no further information at this time. How am I supposed to get my students out to job sites and make arrangements for transportation if you keep changing things on me? And is she going to come here so many days and ARC so many? Does she really have all of her needed high school credits? I have yet to see a cum file on her. Some days I think my supervisor doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground. Do these people even realize what they are doing to this young lady? All of this constant change is not good for her fragile mental health status. Sure ma glad it is Friday!!!!!!!

The Journey has begun

As you can tell as you read my posts alot of them have dealt with issues I have reagarding my health. If I haven't mentioned it before I am overweight and I know that plays a big part in my problems. I have been overweight since jr. high. I tried to lose weight in high school but found it very difficult. Factor in peer pressure and how others treat you and the constant nagging of my mother I basically would give up. I would lose some and then gain it back. I believe we call that yo-yoing. During college I managed to lose a little and keep my weight pretty consistent. I am one that can say I didn't gain the freshman 15. Through talking things out with one of my friends I have begun to come to terms with things. I want acceptance desperately but often turn to food when my emotions are out of control. This same friend was in about the same situation as I am and was. She took things into her own hands and lost the weight and has managed to maintain a healthy weight and I am so proud of her. It is her that I look to for encouragement. Now that I have some of my health issues under control it is time to start working on a new me. Only my sister, parentsand assistants at work know what I am about to say. I didn't want my friends to know until I had seen some results. Around the 1 year anniversary of my Aunt's death I took the big step and joined weight watchers. My 2 friends have done it with wonderful results. I am not going to meetings at this time because I am 1) too busy to get time in for a meeting and 2) too embaressed. I don't want anyone but my doctor and I knowing my weight. She is aware of what I am doing and is offering me safe exercises that I can do to reduce stress on my joints since I am still experiencing so much pain. I keep track of my points on line, I am reading food labels, and learning to make more healthy choices. I was very scared when I went to Florida. I knew I would be eating out with my parents and hadn't done much of that at that point. I managed to lose while there. My sister has been my biggest supporter by far. And I am proud to say that as of today after being on the program for a little over a month I have lost 14.6 pounds. I am happy with the number. I do not want to loose too much too fast because I am afraid I will put it right back on. I have a long road ahead of me but am taking it one day at a time. I have an ultimate goal of what I want to lose but am making short term goals along the way. Currently I want to lose 20%. I hope to be there around March/April. I thought I was about to have a setback last week with all the stress I was under from work. I had to stop focusing on it because it was driving me crazy. In fact I hadn't weighed in since January 9 because I didn't want to see the number. I forced myself today and was equally surprised. I am not on a diet. I am making a life style change and I can do it. I'll keep you posted along the way.

Remembering when.....

The year was 1989. I was embarking on what I thought at the time was the scariest thing in my life. I was entering high school. I had always been a shy introverted kid. Those who know me now can't fathom it. But needless to say I was scared spitless. I was going to the Catholic high school in the neighboring town. No one from my grade school class would be there. I could start over and no one would know about the hell I had been through in Jr High. I remember standing in the hall in front of the gym on Orientation day. No one said hi, they were all in their groups. My guidance counselor came up to me and asked how I was doing. She offered to introduce me to some kids and at that moment two girls walked out of the gym. You could tell they already knew each other by the way they interacted with each other. Mrs. Oxley pulled the two girls over and introduced them to me. She explained that I came from the neighboring town, didn't know anyone, and if they minded hanging out with me. God bless that woman. Today I count myself lucky that Mrs. Oxley intervened. One of the girls she introduced me to has remained my best friend to this day. I count myself lucky to have had such a lasting friendship that has survived the test of time. We may not get a chance to talk every day, but when we do get a chance we make the most of it. When I am down in the dumps about things I stop and think about what Becky has had to sacrifice lately. She is married to a wonderful man who has answered the call of duty for the United States not once but twice. With his deployment oversees, she has stayed the rock of the family raising their 4 children. Today is her birthday and I wanted her to know what her friendship has meant to me over the years. Becky, you have always supported me in whatever decisions I have made. You have listened to me bitch about my job(present and past). You have offered suggestions and a shoulder when I needed one. I hope I have been able to do the same for you. I can never tell you how much it meant to me when you took my sister and her son into your home in her time of need. Enjoy today and may you have many more happy birthdays to come. But remember, you'll always be older than me. Ha!Ha!

Interesting discovery

The deep freeze has hit Ohio along with the snow. I have been cooped up in the house since coming home from work early yesterday and I have already gotten the call that school is canceled for tomorrow. That means I won't be seeing my students until Wednesday. They get a nice little mini vacation. Monday is a holiday and Tuesday is an inservice day for the district. I am glad I didn't have to work today because I have the beginnings of a pretty nasty cold and I know that no matter how sick I am to become I would not have called off. I have been trying to desperately get warm. I am an my warmest pajamas and have on my trusty Ohio State sweatshirt and am wrapped up in a blanket. I have spent the day reading and just browsing online throughout the day. I stumbled across an interesting news article that actually pertained to my job. A DVD has been released that teaches children with autism the meaning of emotions and facial expressions. As a special education teacher, I know first hand how difficult it is for children on the spectrum to grasp such an abstract concept. A professor in England has been conducting research for years and is responsible for the program. The professors last named seemed familiar and it turned out he is a cousin to the comedian Sacha Baren Cohan or Borat as most people in the US know him. He did a study with the materials developed and found that if a child on the spectrum were to watch his DVD for 15 minutes a day for a month there was a significant increase in their understanding of emotions and facial expressions. It seems he paired motorized vehicles such as trains and buses, etc. and real faces to create the DVD. I was curious so I went to the website. They had a link for you to watch an episode of the video on YouTube. I was amazed at how they were able to integrate the actual human faces onto the vehicles. He choose trains and such because of fascination children with autism seem to have with them. I checked out his research and it is very interesting. Those children that watched the video for a month equaled their typical peers in facial/emotional recognition. My only question would be how severe were the cases of Autism? Where on the spectrum did they fall? I wonder how many of the children actually fell into the severe end of the spectrum. I want to be excited about this discovery but at the same time I am skeptical. I will give him credit. He stated both in the article and on the website that this was not a cure for Autism. He also had an interesting theory about Autism. Since it is predominantly a male disorder he felt it had something to do with the wiring of the male brain. Women, he feels, are more capable of discerning patterns in everyday occurrences. Men however aren't. He feels that figuring out emotions and facial expressions is exactly that, the figuring out of a pattern and making sense of it. Interesting theory. For anyone reading this interested in Autism, the link for the website is www.thetransporters.com. Even if you don't know anyone with Autism or work with that population, I strongly recommend checking it out. I found it very interesting. I might just try to talk my speech therapist into ordering it.

Paging Dr. Freud

I might have minored in Psychology in college but Sigmund Freud I am not. I can honestly tell you my staff and I are not equipped to deal with the mental issues my new student has. Once she gets past her hang-ups which takes an hour or two, she is an intelligent and delightful young lady. Very polite also. Yesterday wasn't too terribly bad. We had a 2-hr delay for weather so that helped her. She was late this morning due to a psych appointment and all hell broke loose the minute she got there. Glenna gave her the news-2-you article we had been working on and sat down with her to read it. She proceeded to burst into tears. We had to take her out of the room because she was scaring the others. She was asking us for help because she wanted to hurt herself. We walked for a little bit and I sat her down on a window ledge and we talked. I asked her what had happened that she wanted to hurt herself. She informed us that she had been sexually assaulted which I suspected. She then proceded to bury her face in my shoulder and say that she wished she would just die. Glenna and I were just looking at each other dumbfounded. We tried to approach it as that was something that had happened in the past and we were sorry it had. But this was the present and we were not going to let anything happen to her. I walked her back to the room and we got her settled down and by lunch she had caught up on her work. The afternoon went along pretty smoothly except for the 1/2 hour she spent in the bathroom. We are catching on to her avoidance tactics. But the shocker came at the end of the day when Glenna was walking her out to her cab. They were having a conversation when out of the blue she asked if Glenna heard voices in her head. Glenna said no, what do the voices tell you to do. She responded that they told her to hurt herself. Glenna then asked if the voices were male or female and she said both. Scary. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. They finally found someone to help us out and she starts tomorrow. It is for a week and a half and then we will determine if it is still necessary. Hell yes it's going to be necessary. I am not going to break this girl of this cycle in 8 school days. If 2 people have to be with her that leaves 1 adult in the room with the 6 remaining students. 3 of them are one-on-one assistance. That is not fair to the kids or my staff. From the stories I am hearing this has been going on for a long time with this young lady. She is known throughout our program but yet Janet couldn't give me any info. Couldn't or wouldn't? All I can say is that we three are all on the same page and we are documenting out the ying yang. I know how to cover my ass. Hopefully this new woman will fit in and climb on board with what we are doing. On a sad but happy note, tomorrow is Kyle's last day with me. He will be transitioning to our community based training program at Ohio State on thursday. I am happy for him but he is such a great young man and he will be missed.

Update

Well I certainly have been one busy beaver today. I spent most of the day preparing for the arrival of my new student on Monday. First thing this morning I went down to the Principal's office and talked with him and the assistant principals. I informed them of what was coming our way on Monday. All jaws dropped to the ground. The principal has offered support and stated that he also felt that 2 adults should be with her at all times. I then emailed my supervisor and the head of our department at the county office. I let them know in no uncertain terms that I had concerns and felt that another adult was needed for my room. I also stated that I have learned from past experiences that I can not rely on Tom and his staff ( the other unit in the building) to help us out. I also do not want Judy coming into contact with her at all. As of now I am awaiting confirmation from the head to approve but the district she is coming from has agreed to pick up the tab for the aide. I was even asked by my supervisor if there was anyone in particular that I had in mind to fill the position. For once someone listened to my concerns. We have rearranged the room to be conducive to her needs. The boys will all be seated at a table away from her. She actually has her own work area butted up against the two tables the other students work at. I have made a picture schedule to tape to her work area along with a set of rules for her. My assistants and I made sure that they were all positively written. I then made observation sheets for us to use to collect data throughout the day. One will document her behavior and overall mood/attitude/appearance by the hour during the school day. The second is to document her trips to the bathroom. We will log her time out of the room as well as her return. We will also chart any items found on her when searched. Two staff members will escort her down to the bathroom and accompany her in. The final data sheet will document what she has in her possession when she enters and leaves the building each day. We will also document the number of pens and pencils etc. she has at her desk during the day. Before she leaves for the day she has to turn in all of those materials to one of us and it will be documented. Every morning she will have to ask for her materials. She will be allowed to journal for 5-10 minutes first thing every morning about her feelings. We are going to explain her rules to her and let her know that this is a start of a clean slate for her. Show us that you can follow the rules and handle your emotions and your privileges will increase. I am dealing with things better today because I have a plan of action. I informed my supervisor of what we had done today to prepare and she was impressed and felt we had everything under control. I truly do not know if I could have gotten everything prepared if it hadn't been for Glenna and Dona. I don't know what I would do without the two of them. I only hope that the next adult to join us is just as good a fit. Oh, and to complicate matters I am getting a male student teacher in 2 weeks from Ohio Dominican University. According to his professor, I think he has to do something on behavior. Well, here you go Patrick. Have I got the student for you. Might as well get your feet wet now.

Didn't see that coming

Talk about being blindsided. What is it that makes people say, "Give it to Kim, she can handle it." That is what I am feeling right now in regards to my job. Got a difficult student? Let's send them to Kim's classroom. She and her staff can handle anything. I am very upset with my supervisor these days. Not only does she very rarely make an appearance in my classroom but most information is delivered to me by e-mail the day before something is to occur. Oh, by the way, so and so is actually in a higher grade than we thought so he's coming to your room tomorrow. And he is a two person assist in the bathroom because he is unable to ambulate from his wheelchair to the toilet independently. "Jimmy" will be coming to you room because the parents want him placed in a different classroom due to how the staff is treating him. And did I mention that he has constant bathroom accidents and the parents want him to wear regular underwear instead of incontinent supplies. Oh, and one other thing, mom was my daughter's teacher in jr. high and we are best friends. (This particular student moved back to his home district after a new teacher was assigned to that class.) This week I received an email from her on Tuesday telling me that "there will be a placement meeting for a young lady tomorrow at 1:00. I have been told she is very much like a previous student in your room. Can you make it?" My response, "Yes. What do we know about her? What grade? How old?" Her response was, "Didn't you get a referral packet?" Now, if I had gotten a referral packet would I be asking questions? Seeing that I have been burned a few times lately by this woman, I was very suspicious that she was not very forthcoming with information. I told my assistants that I hated how I was feeling because I was going into this meeting blind. I go to the meeting and am there when the student arrives. She seems very nice. She is pleasant to talk to and you can hold a decent conversation with her. My supervisor arrives and hands me a copy of the current IEP (individualized education plan). We go over the goals and I accept them and then as they are talking I begin to read the present levels of performance and boy was I in for the shock of my life. I found out why there was a behavioral specialist tied to the goals. It seems that my new student has mental health issues and is recently coming back to school after having been on home instruction due to school being an inappropriate placement for her. It seems that she has made false accusations of sexual abuse by students and staff. Not only that but when she is in a state of high anxiety and frustration, she self-injures to make the pain go away. When I informed my assistants of this they asked if she was a cutter. I told them no that she is an inserter. They both said what. I then explained to them that she had to be searched before she was allowed to go in the bathroom because she would hide objects on her person and then inserts them into private areas of her body while in the bathroom. I am going to be honest with you. I have dealt with a lot of aggressive and harmful behavior in my time but never like this. I desperately want to give this young lady a fresh start but yet I feel like I can't trust her and that I have to watch out for the other students in my class. And for someone her age to be doing something like that tells me that she has been sexually abused in the past. It just makes my heart ache. I want this to be a positive experience for her and for her anxiety levels to diminish. But I can't help but feel like crucial information was kept from me. Let's keep Kim in the dark and then spring it on her in the meeting so that she can't say anything about it. I don't want anyone to think that I don't want this student. We have been thrown curve balls before and things have turned out fine. I am just tired of finding out about things at the last minute. Tell me ahead of time and be absolutely honest and upfront with me so I can prepare properly. This girl is starting Monday and I am scrambling to have a plan of action in place. There goes my weekend. I am going to stew and fret about it until then.